Subject: Postcard from Florida--#15

Friday, January 29, 2010

Port of Call: Labadee, Haiti

Today, The Barb broke her bathing suit. Just how is that possible?

While on this island the money we spent for all the activities went directly into the Haitian earthquake relief fund. I chose to ride the sled coaster down the mountain. It’s some gravity fed sled and each rider controls the speed by their use of the brake handle. I did one of these once back in New Hampshire and almost came out of the track due to speed. This one is a lot safer as the sled is connected to the track and therefore won’t fall out. I told the operator I wasn’t going to use the brake so make sure no one was in front of me. It reached speeds of 70+ mph and my eyeballs got blurry. That’s the last time I’ll probably do that again in my life as I’m getting too old for the eye strain. I suppose I should not go to the whirlpool anymore either.

After spending the morning on the island walking around, we came back to the ship to change into beach attire as The Barb wants to venture back out to swim in the ocean. Now she says we can stay on board as she does not want to go out again as she is tired. Just so later she does not say this decision was coerced by me, I’m having her sign this journal to state it was of her own free will. That’s okay as I’m heading to the whirlpool, my new home away from home.

On the way back to the ship we encountered a convoy of UN trucks unloading supplies from our ship. There was also a collection onboard for the relief fund.

Subject: Postcard from Florida--#16

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Port of Call: Day at Sea

We are somewhere off Cuba heading back to Florida and snowy points north. Watching HLN TV last night they mentioned something like 10 inches of snow in Bowling Green. Wouldn’t you know it, just when I could be home trying out my new snow blower I’m stuck here on this cruise ship in 80 degree weather. I think I’ll send The Barb off to refresh my drink…

Another item I have failed to mention regarding the cruise is our enjoyable evenings in the main dining room. We sat at a table with 3 other couples and had an enjoyable time and conversation each evening, though with the acoustics I couldn’t always hear what was going on at the other end of the table. Our dining partners were John and Nancy from Toronto, who had been in Florida for 4 weeks taking three cruises during that time. Rene and Nicole from Montreal who had been down since early January and were on their first cruise of the season and will be spending February at a resort in Florida where Rene’s brother lives. Orlo and Laurel who are from Idaho and run a 1000 acre farm where they grow sugar beets. We enjoyed everyone's company and will perhaps see them again on future travels.

At breakfast today, The Barb pointed out a man sitting a few tables behind me with an “exasperated look” on his face. Just like I sometimes get. I couldn’t see him and didn’t want to turn around so I asked, “Is there a woman sitting with him?” and she promptly replied, “How did you know?”. And so it goes… I kind of miss my snow blower.

I just hate it when this happens!! Here it is the end of the cruise and I just discovered the concealed sunbathing area for the topless sunbathers!! It’s discreetly located on the front of the ship, a part I’ve not visited before now. Of course a lot of good that does me now… This could’ve greatly enhanced my enjoyment of the cruise and it’s JUST MY LUCK that I discover it now!! I’m blaming The Barb for this one as she booked this cruise and I’m sure she was aware of all the amenities and for some reason just chose not to inform me. Again, Earl, I NEED ONE!!!

Subject: Postcard from Florida--#17

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Port of Call: Port Everglades, Ft Lauderdale, FL

The cruise ship arrived back at Port Everglades early this morning which means the cruise is over. We will debark this morning and say good-bye to what was a very nice cruise. I only hope we can carry all the stuff we have accumulated off the ship as our bags have become quite heavy and my arms are aching. I think this is a good time to quiz The Barb about going to SAMS when we get home to acquire some additional luggage. I’ve found you’ve got to strike while the iron is hot otherwise she always resists my ideas at first and then (year’s later) is thanking me for being right… Earl, probably understands this better than anyone (re, South Dakota trip…).

For anyone thinking about coming to Ft Lauderdale for a cruise, the parking terminal at the docks only charges $15.00/day. That’s pretty good for a covered parking garage.

We are staying in the Ft Lauderdale area for today to visit with one of The Barb’s former co-workers and his family. I’m not too thrilled with this but not because we have to visit friends as they are nice people. The reason I’m not thrilled is that she booked us into a high-end hotel which costs a bundle. Since it’s for just one night I think we should have held out for a cheaper place like the ones the Trip Boys used on the Mt Rushmore trip. But then in Florida, those type of motels may be, well, not in the best of areas. Still, I’m going to give The Barb a hard time about it as it’s moments like this that I’ve found she never forgets and brings up to me years later, totally out of the blue.

After the visit it was getting late afternoon so we went to check into the hotel over in Coral Springs. Upon arriving, I saw there was a big 7 story atrium lobby and what looked like a flurry of activity. Upon investigating, I found they are having the Miss Fort Lauderdale Pageant at the hotel tonight!! Unbelievable!! Have I mentioned how much I enjoy staying at this hotel? I even remember what I said when I discovered what was going on. For brevity, I’ll paraphrase; “THANK YOU GOD!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!” I quickly sent The Barb up to the room with all 6 bags as I was going to be busy wandering the premises. I was thinking how much time I wasted on that damn cruise when I should have been staying here all week. I wonder if they have bathing suit competition and if a hot tub/whirlpool is involved? That would just be too much... Of course I quickly discovered a downside to all of this as whenever I saw more than three of these girls together, the muscle control in my legs gave out and I had difficulty standing. I just hate it when that happens. I saw one of those senior citizen walkers just abandoned beside the door to the restroom so I crawled over and got it and was back on my way looking for the hot tub. After deciding that I really didn’t have enough retirement cash in the bank to make them notice me I reluctantly headed back up to my room.

I’m definitely moving to Florida.

Subject: Postcard from Florida--#18

Monday, February 1, 2010

Port of Call: Coral Springs, FL

It’s up early today for the long drive back home. I say early as we didn’t get on the road until 6:30. I would’ve liked to leave earlier for the first day’s long drive but it was a negotiation thing with The Barb and I lost. I think my losing had something to do with me disappearing downstairs for an extended length of time yesterday after we checked in.

You know, for such a high-end hotel, the bed was not anywhere as comfortable as the one in Sheridan, WY. I told The Barb she will have to try that place out this summer when we venture out that way again. Still the best bed I’ve ever slept in.

As for this stay, the bed was not the most uncomfortable thing I encountered in Coral Springs. During the middle of the night, I got up and went to the bathroom, in the dark, just like every other night on this trip. As soon as I sat down I knew there was a problem when I felt the cold ceramic clutches grab me in places they’ve never grabbed before. Ever the quick thinker at 3AM I remember saying “WTF?!! Who stole my toilet seat?!!! And why couldn’t that water level be lower?” Of course, just a moment later I figured out what had happened, but it took me a bit longer to figure out how to extract myself. When was the last time that happened to me, first grade? I don’t think there is any bruising but to be frank about it (as the rest of this was not?…), I’m not really looking for bruises.

I later wondered why this had happened to me and decided it was a sign from God. You know, pretty girls that wouldn’t give me the time of day and ceramic bathroom receptacles with no seats could only mean that my next trip just has to be to France. It’s definitely a sign and I can’t wait. I’ll just practice the bathroom thing a bit more and then I should be all set.

Subject: Postcard from Florida--#19

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Port of Call: Montgomery, AL and then Louisville, KY

On Monday, we made it all the way to Montgomery Alabama where we stayed the night. I liked this hotel a lot as it was cheaper than Monday’s. Now, I can go back to thinking perhaps my retirement money will last a while longer.

When we arrived at the motel in Montgomery I checked the Garmin for miles driven and it registered 666.0. I kid you not!! Now, I am also going to take this as a sign from (well, not from above…) and have interpreted it to mean that I was wrong about my trip to France. I mean, perhaps the pretty girls will pay attention to me…

We made it into Louisville at 11:15AM having driven 485 miles up from Montgomery. I’m sure you’re going to ask how we managed to get to Louisville so early as that is a lot of miles to cover. Here’s how it was done:

On Monday, I was disappointed with getting such a late start as my goal was to get into Louisville before 1PM on Tuesday. I know, that goal didn’t make much sense and I had no reason for wanting to do that but hey, after working in DP for so many years, you kind of get use to unreasonable goals being set by others for no reason whatsoever. So, in order to arrive before 1PM I had to start negotiating with The Barb as to when to leave for home Tuesday morning. My strategy was to talk to her over dinner figuring she would be preoccupied and therefore more reasonable to an earlier wake up time. We agreed to a start time of 5:00AM. I figured that was still going to be close for the 1:00PM arrival but thought if I didn’t drink any liquids it would cut down on the bathroom stops and then we could make it home only making one quick stop for gas. My plan was formulated in my head and with some luck I was anxious to get back to the motel and to sleep so I would be well rested. I set the alarm and then went to sleep.

A little before 2:00AM I started tossing and turning in bed. I found I couldn’t get back to sleep and after lying there for about 5 minutes decided I couldn’t turn on the TV either as that would wake The Barb and since I might need her as a relief driver, decided waking The Barb was not a good idea. So, I figured I might as well make use of the time and get my shower. I had finished my shower and was brushing my teeth when lo’ and behold who should walk into the bathroom but The Barb! I could tell she was still pretty sleepy but when she proceeded to turn on the shower I decided to get out of her way as apparently she couldn’t sleep either. While she was showering, I found myself now wide awake so I got dressed and just sat in the desk chair. The Barb finished her shower and then started to get dressed as well. I just watched with amazement as I’ve never seen The Barb willingly get dressed so early in the morning (it is now about 2:45AM). After she was dressed I told her I would start taking the bags to the car. I was all set to make my last trip to the car with the remaining bags when The Barb notices the clock and has one of those, shall we say “Epiphany moments” where she exclaims “Is that the time? You hosed me!!!” (I’ve cleaned those last remarks up a lot…) Now far be it from me to try and interpret the mind of a woman, but if I were to guess I would say she woke up at some point while I was showering and ASSUMED it was time to get up. And I’m sure you know what happens when you assume? We were on the road heading down the interstate at 3:00AM. I just love it when a plan comes together…

On that drive out of Montgomery, I drove for almost 5 hours straight stopping south of Bowling Green where we gassed up and had breakfast at a Cracker Barrel. The Garmin said the average speed was 69.8 mph. I’m amazed I didn’t need a bathroom break and that will probably be the last time in my life I ever drive that long at one time again. We made it home in two days. A total of 1151 miles. I did all the driving on the way home. And I think that senior citizen walker scratched the top of my car. I just hate it when that happens.

Until next time,

Mike A.

Subject: Postcard from Florida--#20, Postscript

Wednesday, February 2, 2010

Port of Call: Back home in Louisville, KY

One thing I forgot to mention about the trip.

I’m not sure about women because they often times wear outfits with no pockets but for guys we will sometimes walk around and put our hand in our pocket and just squeeze the little guy for some assurance that all is still right with the world and everything is still okay. Okay, we probably do that more than sometimes. Well, while on this trip I did that one day and was shocked when I discovered my little friend had sprung a leak!! As you can imagine I was totally despondent. After all these years together, my buddy who was my constant companion had come up lame. It is sad getting old. After some soul searching I decided the only humane thing was to replace him which fortunately is not that difficult because I have an exact twin in a drawer back home. You see, just like in August when I lost my favorite car wash hose, this time I lost my favorite contact lens solution bottle which I’ve had since 1977. But I also have another one that was acquired at the same time. It’s good to plan for the future.

Mike A.